my_fascination

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 09:59:28 GMT

The first summer in this 4 yrs that I decided to stay back in ldn.
Summer has been pretty busy for me. While xy was here spend every single day
Shopping + sight seeing and I blew quite a few k £ :( that why I am boring
Right now. Out of the buys , I am happy with my 2 new chanel bag which
I haven't told my mum abt it , just few of my implusive buys during the sale.

It has been 2 weeks since he gone back and a lot have changed .
Maybe I hv only realised that he does mean something to me despite all
The arguments we had and I nv used to give a damm abt him being ther untill
He and her got together suddenly. I know that u are always nice to me
Secretly but I just refuse to admit that I know. I was awake when u put blanket for
Me. Asked when did we became close fren. How u initial to appologize to alvin cus I told
U nt to made me in diff position with me and another fren, hw u always start talking to
Me first after our arguments, hw u are evil and demanding cus u feel
Tt the person is taking advantage of me, hw u always say yes to things
I wanna do - going bicester, after my exams, or just simplying how u look
After my bro for me . I kind of miss having u around , at mariners mews and
U just cheer me up whenever I am stress with my revisions and just simply u waking me up
And wishing me luck before my papers. We were nv gf or bf but at least u were
Once my close guy figure for the last 3-4 mths. And sorry that I did asked u F off
From my life once. And despite tt u took it as I was having pms. I know
Things are nv going to be the same with u having someone . We will only
Be gd fren , u will going to hv those time for me anymorem

Getting used to it. I am pretty used to it and I hv accepted he has someone else
The last 2 weeks I realised something I nv understand a close fren of mine before. Wheb guy just
Use u and just play u out. I nv thought it wld ever happen to me is only
Me who ignore the guy first. Good job it was just for a week no emotion
Attached. But looks is nt everything in life but I still choose to go for it
I been on no carb for the past weeks or so. And it works but at the same
Time I mess up a lil, having a bit of fun as well as playing with fire
But I got burnt this time. Why do I nt attract the nice and decent guys but do all of them
Have to be bastards. Including the one at work. I like the chase but I know is for
The wrong reason and he already proof it. Trying to kiss me at work is just nt going to work
I have nt even told u I am going out with u. Weekend :)

Wed, 20 May 2009 23:25:15 GMT

Years ago, when I was younger,
I kinda liked a girl I knew.
She was mine, and we were sweethearts
That was then, but then it’s true

I’m in love with a fairytale,
even though it hurts
‘Cause I don’t care if I lose my mind
I’m already cursed.

Every day we started fighting,
every night we fell in love
No one else could make me sadder,
but no one else could lift me high above

I don’t know what I was doing,
when suddenly, we fell apart
Nowadays, I cannot find her
But when I do, we’ll get a brand new start

I’m in love with a fairytale,
even though it hurts
‘Cause I don’t care if I lose my mind
I’m already cursed

She’s a fairytale
Yeah…
Even though it hurts
‘Cause I don’t care if I lose my mind
I’m already cursed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiH4BFTELME

i dont think i can ever get over you. no matter who come into my life, is was a best fantasy i wld every have. been 2 yrs and soon u wld be someone's husband . a father to a child. i know i should stop thinking. not saying i stop my life then but no matter what i wld still look back .

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 01:40:58 GMT

I am yr lil sheepish sheep

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 11:09:58 GMT

for some reason i have been missing deli's accompany quite badly. william's family here with me and we went to warwick castle. this time round no one dare to ask me if i am dating cux i told them once nv to interfere with love life anymore. they more or less can see that i am seeing someone and they thought it was khin as they saw alot of facebook pic with me .

sometime, i really do want to start thinking of a future , but i am too afraid too. deli was sweet the other day when he said, ' i will get u an iphone if it makes u happy, i just want you to be happy even if u are nt with me ' haa of cux i rejected the offer. i like being with him cux he knows a lot things that pple my age would nt. like i was thinking of getting an apartment here , and wanted to find out abt mortgage. there u go. he was explaining to me abt it and ask me if i wan to talk to his mortgage adviser. =) i like it this way.

Sometime, i do feel bad cux there are thing i cannot accept into my life. It makes me feel sad one day everything is going to be gone again. but i cann't help it but i really do enjoy his accompany and all the support he is giving me. but till now jit is the only one i am willing to go the extra mile .

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 03:38:20 GMT

i am looking forward to see linn tmr, so linn. u better nt break my heart =)
I wonder how long me and Deli are going to last , he is already planning abt v day and all, he asked me today and i was like Deli is a lil bit too early to think abt tt , i dont plan tt far. I really do enjoy having him around and i am glad he came into my life but then again, i am not going to let him enter my life totally. Cus i dont want to be disappointed and get into another horrible break up. sometimes is really sad to know how me and jit had moved on, we really thought we are meant of each other and we would get married and all. to think of now , how he had manali is his life and Deli in my life.
there is still a lil hope inside me that i can have a family with jit, but after trying for the past few mths, I do not put too much hope for it anymore. i just made myself a slice of pizza and onion ring. at 3:30 am . yup i am trying to be good and study my maths.

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 19:52:22 GMT

last night , i made a different impression at the staff party. I down one bottle of strong bow with patrick and he cld nt down it at one go. oh well so basically my frens now thinks that i can drink so is okie. I was really nice knowing them yst they were all really friendly. except for me and khin, we are nt the friendly anymore . Sometime i wonder what happened ? why did he decide to be just fren whereby before tt he was showing interest in me. Maybe is nv too good to date someone who works with u. We got so many free drinks yst. stuart bought us like 10 jars of cocktails and we were all really high =) amanda was drunk again and i was pretty gone as well. looking at the amt of shots we took. khin was buying more tequila towards the end and i hate to constantly going out to fag and get fresh air. i was having sore throat this morning when i woke up . And the weather did nt help as well, it was pouring when i got up. but i had a good slp last night. Deli came over to see me , and i think he left when i was just abt to knock off. he was like stef are u sleeping , stay up and spend sometime with me . haaa such a sweet guy but either one of us are going to break each other heart one day. he brought up the question again and i told him we got to be harsh and firm . the last thing we want is family coming into pic. =)

anne and me

tt's khin

Stuart our manager =)

anne and candice

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 13:05:23 GMT

weekends are over again, i met up linn at thai sq yst =) It was indeed a good night out. Temu, her cousin, jo, sabrina and me, we all decided to go out to thai sq and meet up. It has been such a long time since we actually club altogether as a group. I miss them badly. These days i been so caught my with my new job as well as my new colleagues that i hardly had the time to go down to their place or meet up with temu for lunch or anything.

Work been pretty find but one of my fren told me i got to be more friendly and less dao. Somehow i dont know why i called him to tell him abt my night on flirt and told him everyone was kind of cold to me. i just knew him 2 weeks as well but i found him a more genuine friend. As in is better to ask from someone working with me and he can correct me. This is what he told me. the first impression pple get from work from me is tt , i am dao, arrogant and cold. tt's what they felt. but after tt night at clubbing , they realised i was just nervous and shy. or whatever u call it. so pple who went on clubbing tt night knew me. but pple who just met me on tt night still thinks i am tt arrogant chinese girl who thinks she is better than everyone else.=) i know u all would not think tt way , but then sometimes i cannot help but carry myself tt way n heck everyone around me. but i have been really friendly to the customers. And abt him , i am still interested but he nv ever contact me other than the few meet ups we have in the global village and staff gathering. then he would try to be nice to me . maybe it was nt a good idea for me to work alone tt night. And draper's is opening soon, tt's where we would all be working and all. =) proper late nights and everything

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 02:30:21 GMT

i had principle of econ test this morning, it went pretty alright. The MCQ questions were hard but do-able. The open ended was kind of easy but then i shaded the consumer and producer surplus wrongly, tt's abt 10 marks gone. hopefully less. last night i was so pissed of with my drying, i put in 8 spin and my sheets and duvet cover were still wet. Not to talk abt my clothes in the other dryer they were all nt dry. i spend a totally for 6.30 on laundry yst, tt's almost $20 . on clothes. i went to the CCRS office to them and reported it. and asked for my refund from drying.
And if u guys read or watch the news. u wld realised tt there was a big fire in london this afternoon . It is really near my area, like 10/15 mins drive from here. Our whole campus was filled with dark smoke and apparently u cld smell it but i didn't open my win . when i went ouside the smell was already gone. 15 fire engine to put off the fire. It happened near the olyampic 2012 .
2 good news that make my day today, my job to work for the student union is confirm , i would be starting work on thurs and friday night. my job would require me to serve food during the day and drinks and bar job at night. depending on which shift i take. and after my tutorial i got a call from another job. this is fore xmas position from 22 dec. to act as host and give direction to pple near xmas. so ya.. i would have more money to shop.

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 01:13:41 GMT

pictures from fresher parties and normal day out. =) oh well life been a bitch these days but i am enjoying my party. i guess we dont have 2 freshers yr so i might as well enjoy it and start studying after xmas.

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 00:53:12 GMT

Stef is bored..
is monday night and there are 4 more days to go before the reading week starts. i start to realised today how i wasted my summer. i dont really think i enjoyed it very much this yr. i regretted not spending as much time with my close fren as i shld, i regretted making certain decisions. i met up with arc pple for like 2/3 times. oh well , i am not going to work anymore nx summer.
sometimes i wonder what my nx summer wld be like. =)

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 00:00:23 GMT

Is halloween week. =) parties are on almost everyday from monday till friday. but i dont think i wld be going tt much. cann't go to the sch bar tonight as i am still struggling with my presentation. damm is 10% towards my modul =) oh well i would be partying with linn tmr again . i miss linnie , but till now i have got no clothes for tmr night so i am going down to oxford street during my 2 hr break to get something decent for the night.
The weekend was spent 'meaningfully' hahaha. i went to jo's place to meet the rest of the chinese and went to thai sq, woke up around 2 the nx day and mahjong till 11pm . after that i headed to fabric again. I am starting to enjoy trans, base and drumb these days. i find them better music compare to r&b. When jit used to prefer them i complained a lot abt them. what's so great abt that night was that there was live DJ , i mean proper DJ , famous and known as guest apprearence at fabric. =) but i should really stop going there often cux u wld nv leave the place till 5am .
So now i am back in my room trying my best to finish up my work . hahaha.

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 00:57:38 GMT

i cann't have a r/s with someone when i still have u in mind.

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 22:20:31 GMT

this period is definately the best time for me. for those close frens of mine they knew what happened i do nt wanna go on anymmore. for the past few night i slept with alcohol. i cld nt believe something like this cld happen to be , cux i trust it too much. but i am getting better , i slept alright yst. i went to a theme park with my sing soc today. the seniors are really nice and they are all studying medicine so yup.it was 6 of us. 2 medicine students , 1 dentistry, katherrine, NTU exchange , me and Weiqi. =) it was susposed to be more pple but nt everyone turned up, but we had fun. we crashed alvin's place for dinner.
his place is really nice , one bedroom apartment in canary warf. haaa , i cannot afford tt yet. maybe when i start to work for a financial institutes. oh well going out today stop me from thinking abt the situation half the day. cux i still stone suddenly and do into depress mood. but at least 1 day has passed for me. the peekee? he carried out grocery back for us to the campus entrance , cux we did our shopping at ASda which is the cheapeest supermarket in UK. but i spend alot today as well on useful things. =)

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 22:27:13 GMT

it ends here.

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 21:37:02 GMT

i went back to oxford to get my dip today, it was goood to see the familiar environment i used to lived at. the feeling of holding my diploma was amazing, tt was something i worked my ass out for , the 2 yrs in oxford. i met a few chinese in oxford, they were kind of noisy asking me this and tt. where did i go , what did i get and so on. they were also asking me why i never stay with jit why i never stay with jit. sigh. so i told them we broke up.
doing back to oxford , reminded me for the day me and jit were still together, those days, those memory are always the sweetest i had. i wld call him everyday after sch and everytime i talked to him i felt happy and relief. ok. back to reality.
i came back really late to london it was already 8+ when i reached paddington. so i am back in my halls at 9+ =)

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 09:02:55 GMT

i had moved into my new place for 4 days. oh well, i am getting used to it and more settle in. i spend most of the time with weiqi. she is another singaporean girl studying law here. my neighbours are nice, i hang out with them yst, but the 4 american in my flat are always drunk. oh well they are fine. i am nt annoyed by them cus i am used to the noises last time . so long as they do not come and disturb me.
i clubbed on sun and mon, it was at MOS london and Turnmill, i prefer turnmill as a club but the night at MOS was better. maybe cux tt night at turnmill i felt kind of werid with the pple. we went there with a malaysian mixed, canadian and a bulgurian, they got hit off pretty fast and i was nt ready for tt then. i should say i was nt interested in the pple who was there, pple who looks interesting are already hook up. And a part of me tells me tt i am still nt ready for this, i need sometime to let go.
we been cooking these day, our attempt for fried rice turned out well. =~) we will cook something else again this evening haa. there is no time to cook 2 meals, we have got inductions and this and tt. believe it or nt i have nt step into oxford street since i came to london. i have been going to stratford and local area to get my stuff, is cheaper and nearer. cheaper but i bought pretty loads of stuff. =)

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 04:18:45 GMT

another summer is over, and i am almost reachin london, abt 3 hrs more. is sad to know that everything btw us has ended. I am hurt as well as missing him. I would nt forget what he told me yst during lunch at food republic. maybe i was the only one who is filled with hope that this r/s wld come back in yrs to come. right! anyway this is what we did, just wanted to write down so tt i can rem. met up at taka taxi stand to get my bear tt someone steal from my room, then we went for lunch --> fareast to alter my jeans, HSBC to get my pin and we parted outside pac plaza , i left for fareast while he went to lucky to take bus. is was a short last 1hr 40 mins.
I still feel hurt and anger toward him, i am angry at his impatientness, his selfishness towards me in this summer. no matter how sorry u feel now, there is nothing we can do. the summer is over and we are over. u shld have treated me better when we had time. just rem what u told me yst. anyway. i wld start fresh soon. when i reach uni, new place , new fren, new environment.

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 16:28:38 GMT

another chapter of my life is abt to begin, I am kind anticipating to it and excite . but at the same time feeling sad that i got to leave sg and leave everything tt had grow over the past 1 yr behind. yesh i am talking abt my r/s with jit. I guess i am more prepared then the last time we wanted to end it a mth ago. we went downt o sentosa today, get the sky ride and luge , walk 3 mins on the beach and came back into town. In fact we did alot of things in half a day that i was exhausted when i reached my cousin place to collect my stuff. we went to boonkeng to collect contacts after sentosa,then to simlim , then to raffles city to have late lunch. we finished everything by 4:30 . then he went home and i went to pennisular to get my dry food items to bring over and went over to my cousin place to collect my stuff. so tt's is my productive thursday. This mean that i do not have to worry abt anything tmr,
tt leaves me time to spend 2 hr with jit, and the rest with my family and dinner with xy =) oh and i went to causeway point yesterday to meet xy and sher. i am going to miss her again although this summer we didn't really have as much time as last yr , she still made my summer a wonder. =)
I still do wonder how my life in london is going to be like next yr, wld i be attach? or am i going to be lonely in my hostel room. but i have linn and temu who i can meet as ad when i wish . i dont have to feel tt i have no one in london . i better repack all my clothes is getthing too heavy. =)

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 06:56:02 GMT

i have a week left in singapore. =) everything is going fine now. i got my visa yst, and linn came down yst. =) we, me xy and her had a catching up session in my room. although it didnt reallie turn out very well cux i was pissed off with my dear bro but i still enjoy their accompany
I am leaving for china tmr, going there to see my grandma for a few days 2/3 days then i wld be back in signapore do my last min preparation to go back. this wld be the 3rd yr i am there, tt's so fast. the uni accomodation starts on 15 and the first party starts on 15 tt's even before the orientation haha. offically orientation is on 19 sept.. for international student is 17,
and there are so many fresher parties

15th (Sat): Campus Survival @ Bar Med, 9pm-2am, FREE

16th (Sun): Traffic Llight Party @ Ministry of Sound (by coach),
9.30pm-2am, (I can't find the price)

17th (Mon): Ice Breaker @ Turnmills (by coach), 9pm-3am, £6

20th (Thu): Kiss Me @ Purple E3, 10pm-?, £7

21st (Fri): Flirt! Skoll Disco @ The Great Hall, 10pm-2am,
£3 members, £5 guests, FREE before 10pm

22nd (Sat): International Party @ Bar Med, 9pm-?, £2

23rd (Sun): Gaggin' For It Comedy Night@ The Great Hall, £3,
doors open 7:30pm, show starts 8pm

24th (Mon): Manic Moday @ Parker McMillan (by coach), £1
again, no time give (that I can find)

26th (Wed): Hail Mary (Sports & Societies' Night) @ Ministry of Sound
(by coach), £3, 10pm-3am

27th (Thu): Pressure Cooker @ Fabric (by coach), £10, 9pm-3am

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 23:18:25 GMT

i just realised that the whole st clares' is going to my uni.. ok not the whole but at least 7-8. tt's quite alot considering that there are so many uni in uk. Is not that my uni is very good is just because is in london, is part of UOL , still in top 100 in the world and whoever have some brains can get in . only need ABB. 32 to get in. =) unlike UCL and LSE which requires all As at least 36. there is gd and bad, it also means i will nt be too lonely during my fresher week. =)

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 16:17:36 GMT

Jit came over today for lunch.. It reminded me of those day back in leeds when we only had each other as company. Those days were indeed my happiest days since a long time. I get to see him the very min i woke up , studyed till pass midnight at his department, preparing our meals in the kitchen. basically everything. Once we had to go down to the walk-in clinic at the hospital at 7am cux i was sick for a week plus and it got worser and freak us out. The way he used to care for me is never going to come back again. Becux this time when i return to uk I wld be all by myself. I cann't call him as and when i like or take the weekend train down to leeds when i am stress. He is still there for me but we are nt together anymore.
I still do hope that he would be one i settle down with in the end. But i am afriad at the same time cux i dont know what is going to happen to us when the dist btw us stretch. although train rides from oxford was 4 hrs but we still meet up often cus we were together and wanted to see each other. although now the journey is only 2.5 hrs from london, we dont have the commitment to do so anymore . Even nw in singapore we can feel the diff. we dont meet so often anymore since we broke up.

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 18:44:31 GMT

I am fed up.

you dont change , u get lost !!!

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 17:04:00 GMT

maybe i am the one who did not msg from he begining. i went town to the gym at 11:30pm today just to wait for him to finish his workout. i was tired and lazy but i still went down in the end becux we have nt be talking verymuch nor see each other. but it didn't turn out well . we didn't talk much , he send me back home, stayed for 5 mins in the car then i left.
everyone wants me to do something and i am so tired. i wish we have 36 hrs a day. i got to teach my cousin, this is pressure from my family to pay back something to this family. it was even worst when i was working. i end work at 6, start tuition at 7.. end at 10+ go to the gym straight to meet jit. back home at 12+ 1, work starts at 8:30 and finally after 5 days, i broke down. nw i ended work i thought i cld relax. but i am wrong. i still got to be there for my cousin everyday unless i have something urgent and my mum wants me to do this do that. where the hell is the time for me to go out with my frens and all.

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 06:01:28 GMT

Yippppppeeeeeee
my job at cpf has ended. and i am going to make full use of my time left in singapore. spending time with pple i treasure nt jit cux i wld still be seeing him in the gym everyday same time . there isn't anything much we can do at this point.
My flight back to uk is confirmed, on the 14th late night flight. is a pity tt it is nt a direct flight so need to transit at frankfrut. other than tt i need to be in china for abt 3 days. my grandma is wating to see me =) i miss her too

so this is what i have done last week

Club with temu on friday and came back at 6:30 and mum started shouting at me. met up with yousep .
linn came down to sg. had dinner with her at nydc . and we talked and fag as usual but i do nt smoke like last time anymore. is like once in a mth now. i miss talk to her and xy. she was susposed to stay with me tt night but then . her cousin wanted to comeover to her place to stay over. the truth is her cousin is out with other pple but she was susposed to be out wiht linn so yup . and met linn again the nx day for after dinner chat. cux i had dinner with a fren from sch ( stclares) It was a rather extravagent treat by her parents. we had dinner at humble house and she order the national day set dinner. t was $88 person. there was me, temu, her and her parents. the bill is a bit expensive just to treat yr daughter's friend. and we felt really bad. so me and temu decided to treat her back. at top of the M , nt too expensive but is interesting =) hope she like it.

As for my uni, i am rather excited to begin , i was not at the begining but nt after everything is more or less confirmed i am anticipating to it. accomodation is confirmed, everything is done for.

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 18:04:41 GMT

I am back as before. Linn is in town, i wished i cld meet up more with her. We concluded that last summer was the best summer ever for us. Last summer , none of us was attached , we were happy and less stress.
I was susposed to meet up with yousep and temu for lunch, I did but i was like late for 1 and a half hour . tt's becux i came back late last night . i reached home at 6:30. I met up with jit at 4+ and was partying with temu before tt. he is still special to me but the feeling is no longer like before. Maybe there is always a diff btw frens and lovers.
ok back to today.. I wished linn , xy cld stay longer.. but we were all kind of tired.. I miss last summer.. boo. and work is ending on tue and hope after tt everything wld be fine. There is so much things i need to do this summer and i have nt done it. i dont know what i am busy with. anyway. i am tired. wish i cld sleep.